"Im a Failure"- haters

everyone has those kinds of weeks when everything just seems to suck. well this week was one of those kinds of weeks. since im a junior and next year is all about getting into college my parents are stressing more than i am. im honestly trying to  relax and get what i have to get done for school right now done so that i dont get behind. everyone been getting on my case. 

alot of people have been telling me:

"alex your not gonna make it into a good school"

"can you use your brain"

"i dont think you should do this class your just gonna fail"

"even if you do it your not gonna go anywhere with it"

"hahaha your taking that  (whatever class im taking) YOU?!"

"did you do your hw? dont answer i already know"

"i dont think Alex should continue on with the class hes not goin to be able to keep up"

it goes on and on and on and on

from my friends saying it in a joking way not knowing how much it effects me, teachers saying it behind my back, tutors saying it to my face, and sometimes my parents.

at first i didnt think any of it but now it just pisses me off and ive been getting alot tat SHIT this week. and i almst lost it went insane. and to make this week even better while driving i hit something and it really pissed me off that i did such a dumb thing so i tried covering it up by joking around that i did. and my knee is starting to hurt alot more sometimes its just hard to walk nowadays. i also decided that i shouldnt really get close close close with a girl that it might grow into something but as soon as i decided she came onto me stronger and me being that kind of guy got blinded by her and fell into it. and of course all this talk about how im a failure.

and i did accept the fact this week. im a failure, im not got get in anywhere good like some of the smart people at school. so i decided wats the point DGAF right? yupp thats wat i decided to do. i screwed up so much in the past that i can get out of this hole i fell into.

accepting that made me crazy this week. i would go to school be just fine cuz i didnt want it to seem like "oh hes doin all that so people will ask him whats wrong when its really nothing" so im just fine after school im just fine. when i get home to my family im just fine. when i go to my room im a wreck. cuz i dont know to me its tiring being "just fine" on AIM i would be just fine. i was a wreck punching the walls in the shower. sitting in the dark.

i was sitting in the dark thursday around one AM. and i did something i havent done alot that week. i prayed and i prayed and i prayed and i prayed. and it felt good.

i shouldnt let these people bring me down but instead let them motivate me into doing better. Joan actually told me this but i didnt want to beleive it. but after praying it just got me to beleive it. 

all those people telling me i cant do it and i cant make it anywhere i just want to thank all you FRIKKIN JERKS cuz thanks to you imma go out and make it.

"bit**** hating again thats music to my ears.

  what you think my fuel was for all of these years"

                          

                                          -Kanye West(when he rapped not sang)

lets go