i dont know how to explain all this some im going to just say it.
i dont know if you read my first wallpost about my whole past life thing. and thats is now the past as well. when i was like that i want people to knwo that it wasnt just a phase but that it actually was real. but my relationship God isnt what it used to be. and to be honest i dont think it will ever be that strong unless something or someone continually helps me with it. someone that isnt like kevin chun or david cho or people who i already know have extremely good intentions from the start.
PBC the church ive going too at first seem like the church for me. before that the past 3 years i went to 5 different churches. and for some reason i think its going to 4 years 6th church coming. what i thought was diffrent was just the same. clicks everywhere, trash talking, fake people. whatever it was Church has been a reason that my relationship has gone down. the whole atmosphere i get there has just been a big nawww.
people as well. some are strong Christians and i really do like that they can be able to do that. but at the same time they strive so much to be strong christian that they just do it for themselves. sure they may helping others but its like hey im being a good person. and the ones that are a strong Christian at church but when it comes to the real world are just totally different. i really dont get it.
i feel like im also receiving so much unesscesary stress. with my parents thinking im some kind of angel. whenever im doing something people telling me i thought you were a christian. well then obviosuly im not a perfect christian no one is. and with college stuff going on its stress i really dont need on my back.
so i really dont know what to do. ive been going to church to show respect to God and that i really do beleive in him. but even that is hard to with sermons saying how much hes doesnt like how we are. so i dunno.
with my at the moment. just living life and chilling its been nice not really having to stress about it.
i just hope it works out
payce
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i feel youuuu.
ReplyDeletelet's catch up soon
Last Sunday, our jdsn said "When we try to obey God our new self and our old self are always at war, but we have to constantly CHOOSE our new self."
ReplyDeleteYeahh, I've actually been thinking about you alot these past few weeks and I know exactlyyy how you feel. Its warfare wherever we are..even at church. But I pray that you won't lose hope in God because he is faithful to the end. Let's do this together! :) Keep me accountable and I shall keep you accountable.
i shall erica
ReplyDelete:)