fever
body aches
head aches
sore throat
dizzyness
stomach aches
wtfff twitching
while taking a shower i barfed and it was brown. i ate nothing that was brown.
took me 30 minutes to type all this
i feel so weak
weekend was amazing though.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
relapsed
at this point i can say that i am offcially relapsed into some old habits.
stupid?
yeah i guess it is but its fun at the same time.
these people there bad people?
you can say that i guess.
but there actually true friends. some of the people i did think were my true friends i see now that they just know nothing about me. and ive come to the point where i dont really want to deal with their shit. of course there are still some true friends who do try to help me out but there often busy and im not saying like they need to help all the time. but what im actually saying is that i know they have good intentions and that there good people but they got stuff to do and i shouldn't really bother them. and im not hating on them or anything too.
this gives me more time to chill with some of the homies and have some fun rather chilling with some people where i have to watch my language even its just like shit, or watch i talk about cuz if i say a girl is pretty there like oh lets change the subject, or the music i listen to is rap or stuff then its bad. chilling with some of the homies is where we can do whatever we want to do. and tats all there is to it.
i think the term friend has become such a vague term in today's society. the definition of acquaintance has taken the spot of the actually definition of friend.
welcome to the relapse fckkkk
stupid?
yeah i guess it is but its fun at the same time.
these people there bad people?
you can say that i guess.
but there actually true friends. some of the people i did think were my true friends i see now that they just know nothing about me. and ive come to the point where i dont really want to deal with their shit. of course there are still some true friends who do try to help me out but there often busy and im not saying like they need to help all the time. but what im actually saying is that i know they have good intentions and that there good people but they got stuff to do and i shouldn't really bother them. and im not hating on them or anything too.
this gives me more time to chill with some of the homies and have some fun rather chilling with some people where i have to watch my language even its just like shit, or watch i talk about cuz if i say a girl is pretty there like oh lets change the subject, or the music i listen to is rap or stuff then its bad. chilling with some of the homies is where we can do whatever we want to do. and tats all there is to it.
i think the term friend has become such a vague term in today's society. the definition of acquaintance has taken the spot of the actually definition of friend.
welcome to the relapse fckkkk
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Confused...
i dont know how to explain all this some im going to just say it.
i dont know if you read my first wallpost about my whole past life thing. and thats is now the past as well. when i was like that i want people to knwo that it wasnt just a phase but that it actually was real. but my relationship God isnt what it used to be. and to be honest i dont think it will ever be that strong unless something or someone continually helps me with it. someone that isnt like kevin chun or david cho or people who i already know have extremely good intentions from the start.
PBC the church ive going too at first seem like the church for me. before that the past 3 years i went to 5 different churches. and for some reason i think its going to 4 years 6th church coming. what i thought was diffrent was just the same. clicks everywhere, trash talking, fake people. whatever it was Church has been a reason that my relationship has gone down. the whole atmosphere i get there has just been a big nawww.
people as well. some are strong Christians and i really do like that they can be able to do that. but at the same time they strive so much to be strong christian that they just do it for themselves. sure they may helping others but its like hey im being a good person. and the ones that are a strong Christian at church but when it comes to the real world are just totally different. i really dont get it.
i feel like im also receiving so much unesscesary stress. with my parents thinking im some kind of angel. whenever im doing something people telling me i thought you were a christian. well then obviosuly im not a perfect christian no one is. and with college stuff going on its stress i really dont need on my back.
so i really dont know what to do. ive been going to church to show respect to God and that i really do beleive in him. but even that is hard to with sermons saying how much hes doesnt like how we are. so i dunno.
with my at the moment. just living life and chilling its been nice not really having to stress about it.
i just hope it works out
payce
i dont know if you read my first wallpost about my whole past life thing. and thats is now the past as well. when i was like that i want people to knwo that it wasnt just a phase but that it actually was real. but my relationship God isnt what it used to be. and to be honest i dont think it will ever be that strong unless something or someone continually helps me with it. someone that isnt like kevin chun or david cho or people who i already know have extremely good intentions from the start.
PBC the church ive going too at first seem like the church for me. before that the past 3 years i went to 5 different churches. and for some reason i think its going to 4 years 6th church coming. what i thought was diffrent was just the same. clicks everywhere, trash talking, fake people. whatever it was Church has been a reason that my relationship has gone down. the whole atmosphere i get there has just been a big nawww.
people as well. some are strong Christians and i really do like that they can be able to do that. but at the same time they strive so much to be strong christian that they just do it for themselves. sure they may helping others but its like hey im being a good person. and the ones that are a strong Christian at church but when it comes to the real world are just totally different. i really dont get it.
i feel like im also receiving so much unesscesary stress. with my parents thinking im some kind of angel. whenever im doing something people telling me i thought you were a christian. well then obviosuly im not a perfect christian no one is. and with college stuff going on its stress i really dont need on my back.
so i really dont know what to do. ive been going to church to show respect to God and that i really do beleive in him. but even that is hard to with sermons saying how much hes doesnt like how we are. so i dunno.
with my at the moment. just living life and chilling its been nice not really having to stress about it.
i just hope it works out
payce
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
well well
its been forever
and by now school has started and its been pretty chill so far.
and im trying to do well in school but i dont know why i am because i already fucked up enough earlier. who am i kidding that some college is gonna want me to represent them?
ive been living in denial about all this shit and just making myself stress about it for no reason.
as of now.
i am done with school.
community college
am i gonna like it? who knows who cares
tats later in the future but right now im just gonna go out there and just have some fun with the homies and just let loose.
and some people gotta grow up. pmo
and by now school has started and its been pretty chill so far.
and im trying to do well in school but i dont know why i am because i already fucked up enough earlier. who am i kidding that some college is gonna want me to represent them?
ive been living in denial about all this shit and just making myself stress about it for no reason.
as of now.
i am done with school.
community college
am i gonna like it? who knows who cares
tats later in the future but right now im just gonna go out there and just have some fun with the homies and just let loose.
and some people gotta grow up. pmo
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